English

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
4. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
5. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
6. It doesn't matter how kind you are, German children are always kinder.
German translation: Kind = Child, Kinder (Plural of Kind) = Children. In German, however, all nouns are capitalized.

● Learn German While You Sleep 130 Basic German Words and Phrases English German. YouTube video, 3 hrs. Published by Trieu Duong HUYNH, Feb 21, 2018.

● If you learn German only when sleeping, you will speak German only when dreaming. ~ Radek Macalik.
7. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: "That's the last thing I need!"
10. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
11. What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
12. Work for a cause, not for applause.
Live life to express, not to impress.
Don't strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt. ~ Unknown.
13. Why do we have noses that run and feet that smell?
14. There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don't worry, though - he woke up.
15. Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu - you get what you deserve.
16. How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
17. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
18. The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less. ~ Dr. Bob Moorehead